Umbrellas

I live in England. In England it rains. A lot. So some clever man a long time ago (about 4,000 years) invented the umbrella. Initially the umbrella was used for protection against the sun... until someone FAR cleverer than the man who used it for protection again the sun, used it for protection against the rain. Clever.

I don't have an umbrella. I had one... until Sunday... and now I don't have one anymore... but someone one the 18.48 to Twickenham does. Why are umbrellas so easy to lose? There are hundreds of different designs (my favourite are the ones that look like frogs or bears or giraffes), that you can buy from a plethora of outlets. There are automatic ones, see through ones, expandable, single-sized, group-sized... even hat umbrellas... But every single person I have ever met has lost at least one umbrella. Maybe it's because they are seen as disposable that we regularly forget, lose, break or steal them. And don't say you've never stolen an umbrella... Everyone's stolen an umbrella. It's wet, it's dark, no one's looking and then: 'shwiip', in a flash you are the proud new owner of an umbrella. But you're not proud are you? Not just because you're a dirty thief, but also because even if it was bought legitimately, no one is ever proud of an umbrella. Does anyone EVER remember going into a bar after sheltering yourself from the rain with your brand new brolly and saying 'Oh look everyone, look at my brand new umbrella... isn't it marvelous'... No, because nobody does that. Umbrellas aren't marvelous, they aren't really anything accept useful. And I think that's a little sad. 

For something that has become absolutely indispensable when it rains and completely redundant when it doesn't, I think we ought to have a little more care. The umbrella. A solitary object, forlorn without its owner and positively smug when cradled in the hand of someone keeping dry. They may look like weird caped spiders when they are 'put up', but they should be respected for the service they provide for us. 

Maybe, just maybe, the next time you buy one you could keep an eye on it. Make sure that when you're on the tube or the bus you don't, just because it's suddenly sunny, leave it weeping rainy tears forgotten underneath your empty seat. Take it with you. Umbrellas, I think, like the sunshine too... after all it was their original purpose, you wouldn't want to deny them of that now, would you?

And, as an afterthought.... if you're the dirty thief who stole my umbrella, give it back... you dry bastard.